Butt kicking

I guess I’ve been in need of some serious butt kicking lately. In a lot of different things. From family to academics to my relationship with God.

I really need to work on my relationship with my family. Sometimes its fun telling people that i have 6 siblings, but that they’re from different parents. But then again, how do I deal with that? That means that I have both a dad, a step mom, a mom, and a punk stepdad. Lol, and my grandparents…lol. That means i have to travel more and spend double the time trying to let them know that I care for both of them and I honestly suck at it. Sometimes I feel like its a burden instead of looking at it as a blessing. I have double the number of adults in my life than most people do. I have more siblings than most people do. I tried spending more time with my family this past break and it was good, and tiring too, lol, when it really shouldnt be. Maybe I lack patience, maybe I’m more independent than a lot of people, or maybe I just suck at loving them like I should. Love is a hard thing to do, and as weird as it sounds, I think that it’s even more complicated for me and my family. God’s been teaching me a lot through my relationship with my family. I need to call them more often to tell them know that I’m thinking about them, that I care for them, that through me God loves them too. I want to show all of them how much God loves them and I’m not doing enough of that.

Academics. I’m not a big fan of studying. I love managing things, organizing things, meeting people, doing active things. And sometimes I make the most bs excuses to not study, sometimes I don’t even have one. I have this new mantra these days. I say to myself “be a good student, be a good student, be a good student.” lol it hasnt really been working out so much haha. But I havent been a good steward of the gifts that the Lord has blessed my life with. And honestly, it’s managing everything that’s going on in my life. I love doing ministry related stuff, and it brings me great joy. And I see fruit coming from it, but there’s not much fruit coming out of my life in terms of my academics. I’m not giving God the glory in all the areas of my life that I should be. I guess I need to ask for discernment as to what I should take up, what activities I should do, how much time I should spend on them, etc.

My relationship with God. Though I know that school is important and so is family, but the Bible makes it pretty damn clear that we’re supposed to keep first the Kingdom of God. I’ve always thought and will continue to pray to keep God first and trust that He will take care of everything else in my life. How that happens, I’m not too sure. But I haven’t been living the life that God’s been calling me to. I dont think that many of us are. We’re freaking sleep walking ppl with name tags that say “Christian” on them. We’re like zombies that look nice on the outside. I don’t know how to make academics and family revolved around God but I’m going to pray that He take care of that or reveal how to me sooner than later. I also have been trying to wake up at 8 am every day to read and pray and it was going pretty well until these two days, rofl. I need to get back on that, and it sucks that its so cold in the mornings. lol

If you guys see me slacking, give me a good butt kicking please haha, or just feel free to ask me how i’m doing in these areas. I won’t lie, I promise. I might sound like a doofus though rofl